Clinton To Have Private Parts Exposed
by Cael O'Maolain - Rogue Market Correspondent
Washington, May 28- In a surprise ruling, the US Supreme Court issued a decision that Ms. Paula Jones can continue with her sexual harassment lawsuit against President Bill Clinton while he is still in office. The rejected arguments that the lawsuit be dismissed or delayed until Mr. Clinton's term was finished. Citing the possibility that evidence might be lost or forgotten, the high court decided that the Constitution does not shield the President from actions not related to his official duty.
The lawsuit stems from Ms. Jones' accusations that Mr. Clinton, then Governor of Arkansas, propositioned her in a Little Rock hotel room. Ms Jones, then a worker for the state of Arkansas, alleges that Mr. Clinton exposed himself and asked her to perform various sexual acts. She now states that she can identify certain "distinguishing characteristics" of Clinton's private anatomy. "Once you've seen one like that you'll never forget it," she cited in her statement. "Actually, I almost wanted to laugh, but, I didn't think it would be appropriate to laugh at the Governor, especially since he was my boss at the time."
"Like every other citizen who properly invokes (federal) jurisdiction, she (Jones) has a right to an orderly disposition of her claims," Justice John Paul Stevens wrote for the court. "Besides, we want to see if Ms Jones descriptions are really correct. This a rare opportunity to examine the executive branch."
An attorney for Mr. Clinton stated that Ms. Jones simply misinterpreted the governor's requests to "get in touch with my gubernatorial staff," and "to feel my pain." Said the attorney, "There has been a wide range of innocent confusion stemming from local Little Rock customs. Everyone knows about kissing the Blarney Stone for good luck. Well, Little Rock has it's version, too." Additionally, The Rogue Market Journal has confirmed the Mr. Clinton advised Ms. Jones that she was not required to inhale.
The Rogue Market has seen a small steady rise from President Clinton. However, with this newest scandal coming on the heels of Whitewater and fund raising investigation, the President might soon come up a little bit short.
Celebrities and world leaders have peppered the White House with messages of support and suggestions. Ms. Kelly Flinn suggested that Mr. Clinton avoid the publicity by taking a dishonorable discharge from his job. British Prime Minister Tony Blair reportedly called, asking Mr. Clinton how he keeps himself in the spotlight so well. Frank Gifford also called congratulating Clinton for picking a room without a camera. Finally, a caller identifying himself just as Eddy M. offered his support to the president and asked if he was sure this person was really a woman.